The Girl With One Eye
by stravvberry
Summary: Vampire The Masquarade:Bloodlines  With her father dead, her sister gone and herself in the Asylum, Therese has lost herself.  This is her human story as she searches for her sister.
1. Within My Sisters Absence

**Within My Sisters Absence**

It's raining outside, thick drops of water on the window distort the image of the outside world.  
Or perhaps the outside world is normal, and this place is distorted.  
Its dark outside already, I can't even see the black metal fence that separates me from the outside world.

I look at the reflection in the window.  
I hardly recognise the young women looking back at me any more.  
Her messy short blond hair, her pale skin with dark cirlces under her eyes.  
Certainly this is not the girl father had once loved so much.

I can hardly imagine that this is the girl that used to be his sweet, good girl.  
Then again this is another life, here in the cold asylum.  
Maybe that is why Jeanette left me here, because I wasn't the same any more.

_Jeanette are you there?_ I ask in my mind.

But I know she won't answer me, she is gone.  
I can feel it, its like part of my mind has been cut out of my head.  
But its just shock therapy and drugs.  
It killed her, and it has killed most of me as well.

I remember how we ruled Merreh, land of the seas together.  
As well as Kokiri a world covered in forest, inhabited by African children.  
All would die by the age of fourteen so there were never any grownups there.  
Once we were queens of those worlds.

And now I was alone, a patient, and even if I would be cured I would never be free again.  
Well again might not exactly be the right word, but still I would never be free.  
Because I killed him, and now without Jeanette there was no one left in the world who loved me.

I long for her, so deeply to hear her voice inside my head.  
I even long to wake up in the most impossible situations like the time I woke up in the morning with two young men in fathers bed.  
He had been away for business but would come back that morning.  
I had a hell of a time fixing things so he would not notice, and had been furious with Jeanette.  
But now as I remember that day a smile plays my lips.

She was fire, wild and burning, I was ice strong and consistent.  
And now, without her I was doomed to be cold forever.

"Miss Voerman, its time to go to your room."

I find the nurse's reflection in the window, its nurse Grace.  
She is young maybe twenty or so.  
She hasn't been working here for too long, its clearly noticeable, she is still sweet and hopeful.  
Not cold and frigid like most doctors and nurses here in the asylum.

She looks up at the window and finds me starring back at her.  
Her warm brown eyes set on my blue and green eyes.

"It's late miss Voerman, everyone is heading back, why don't we walk together?"

I want to say something to her.  
Something to give this young woman, who works effortlessly for us all, some hope or gratitude.

But my mind no longer works the way it used to.  
I cannot feel right, think right, let alone find the right words.

As I look back at her reflection in the window, I hope she can feel it.  
Feel my intention, because she so much deserves recognition for her efforts even if it doesn't work.  
None of the patients probably feel a thing, and if they do still have feelings they aren't right.  
Just messed up fragments of their emotions.  
But she tries, treats and sees us as human beings.

Which is why I want her to understand that even though happy is no longer a feeling I know, that I do appreciate her efforts.  
But she doesn't understand, doesn't know what I'm trying to tell her as I look back at her in the window, because she continues to try to get me to my room.

She smiles ever so gently.

"Come on, we'll go together."

So I just nod, get up from the chair and follow her, as we walk out of the main room to the corridor.

Her shoes click and clack against the floor as she walks next to me.  
Mine drag across the floor silently and shoeless, and if I still could I would hate the medicine they give me, for making my body and mind this weak.  
I would hate the fact that we weren't alowed to have proper shoes, hate the nurse who cut off my hair and hate the doctors who gave me shock therapy.

But there is no hate in this body, nor love or sadness.  
My body carries nothing but my beating heart and my sister's absence.

She stops at my room and then turns to me.

"Have a goodnight miss Voerman." She says smiling gently as she always does.

"Oh and don't forget, Mr. White won't be working night shift again since he retired."

I nod, trying to give her some kind of reaction.  
And her smile widens just slightly, happy to know that I understand what she is saying.

"Mr. Freeman will be working night shift now each Wednesday. It's his first day of work."

She frowns slightly.

"Well night of work would be more proper I think."

She shakes her head slightly and then her gentle smile returns again.

"Either way just try to keep silent okay? Don't want to scare off the poor man on his first day now do we."

I nod again, she's just trying to make small talk.  
I don't scream at night like some of the other women here, at least I'm pretty sure I don't.

I enter my room and look back at her as she says goodnight once again before closing and locking the door.

* * *

It is when the lights are turned of when it starts.  
The screaming, the relentless crying.  
The woman across from my room has a good throat that she knows how to use, they sedate her I think, but in a few hours she'll start talking about how the demon will come to us.

I don't scream like that, I'm to empty for screaming.  
Or perhaps I am to sane to scream.

No not sane, because there is just this, as I hear him pace the corridors, the expectation that his footsteps will stop.  
That slowly my door will open, that fingers will brush away hair from my ear and warm sticky breath will hit my ear as he tells me to be a good girl.  
No not sane because sane girls do not expect such things, or perhaps they do, I can't really be sure.

I carefully listen to his footsteps as he gets closer to my room.  
And when he nears it I hold my breath until the distance between him and my door is big enough again for me to breath again.  
It is almost a mantra with his gentle, consistent pace.

The other night shift worker didn't walk like that, he lingered looking through the small windows in our doors to check on god knows what.  
And I decide that I prefer this night shift worker, who's name I forgot.

But when I decide that as I hold my breath, his footsteps stop.  
I close my eyes as hard as I can.

_Walk on, walk on, walk on, walk on, walk on, walk on, walk on..._ My mind sings.

But he cannot hear my thoughts and if he can he ignores them because the next thing I hear are keys jingling.

"Please don't, please don't, please don't, please don't." I whisper, pulling the covers tightly over my shoulder.

I can hear him shove the key in the lock and hear how the lock opens.  
I bite my lip trying to stay quiet, trying to seem asleep, though I am not sure why I would do such a thing.  
How it would help to seem asleep, but right now it seems like the only thing there is to do so I simply try.

Slowly the door opens, and I can hear him, feel him, step over the threshold.  
I tremble and I try to fight it but my body does not listen to my commands and I feel something warm and wet slip out of the place between my legs on seep into the thin mattress.  
Shame should be a feeling to feel right now, fear, but my reactions are physical even now.  
He enters my room, I hear his footsteps close in and my body relaxes in reaction.  
Turns limp since there is no reason to fight, nothing to win if I try to fight him.

"Don't fear me." His voice not father's less deep.

_Night shift worker._ my mind tells me.

"We have no intent to harm you, one eyed girl."

_We? Perhaps the night shift worker has gone mad on his first day of work.  
Or is it some game he likes._

"You do not fear the man of night." He says.

His words vibrate through me, through my skin and bones, and perhaps I have finally become completely mad.  
Because I feel the fear leave my body and slowly open my eyes and look up at him.

He is tall, but slim, with blond hair that is pulled back in a ponytail and a sharp jaw line.  
Jeanette would find him attractive surely.

"See, there is no reason to fear me."

He frowns.

"Well there are many reasons to fear me, but we do not intent to harm you."

I know it should fear me, but now that the physical fear has left there is only my mind telling me he won't hurt me.  
Yes I have gone completely insane if I believe that, but I can't help believing he wont hurt me, so I just sit up and look at my lap where I wet myelf.

"Its wet." Is all that I can manage.

I see him nod from the corner of my eye.

"Most of us agree to that, we do all agree to do nothing about it though."

I nod and think that he must surely be as mad as the rest of us.  
And I wonder why they would hire a madmen to watch the mad.

_Perhaps the doctors have gone insane.  
But that doesn't make much sense because that would be crazy, then again this is a madhouse perhaps it just makes perfect sense._

My thoughts ramble until he snaps me out of them by speaking.

"You miss her do you not, one eyed girl."

I look up at him.

"Miss who?"

"You sister of course." He says as if it is the most normal thing in the world.

"You know Jeanette?"

He shakes his head.

"The voices told me about her, they told me how you can find her again."

I shake my head this time.

"She is dead." And I am surprised at the grief my voice carries as I speak those words.

Allot of sadness for the voice of someone who does not feel.

"You are wrong, I can bring her back, but I'm afraid you will have to die in order for her to come back."

I look up at the strange man, surely this must be insanity, but I want to agree to this.  
My mind tells me that he must be crazy, and that he most likely wants me dead.  
But in no way am I afraid of this man.

Even if he will kill me, surely Jeanette will some how live on because I do truly know with every inch of my being that this man would never harm me.  
And if that is true, which it is, it is only a question of if I should live or if she should.  
And that is a question to easily answered.

"She deserves to live, please I long for her so much."

He nods and then grabs his key chain. and takes two keys out of it.

"One for your door, one for the door to the barred door at the end of the hall."

My mouth falls open as he offers me the two keys.

_Is this real, perhaps I am hallucinating, perhaps right now I am being tied to the bed to keep me from hurting myself or anybody else_.

"Go tommorow night, once your at the stairs go up one level and jump out of the window. Then run straight towards the gate. They tell me that this is the only way you'll have a chance to get out."

I nod at his words, completely aware of the fact that I have lost it.

_But if I have perhaps I can make myself believe I can escape and make myself believe that Jeanette will return._  
_Perhaps even she will truly return if I try this, even if it isn't real._

"Why do you not take me away now, you have all the keys you could get me out of here." I whisper at him.

He grins his k9's shimmering in the bit of moonlight that creeps through the barred window above my bed.  
And he grabs my wrist with his free hand.  
Leans over me until his mouth hovers above my ear so close I can feel his cold breath against it.  
I close my eyes fighting the memory's that come in my head and try to focus on the here and now.

"Because, girl with one eye, that would be allot less fun." He whispers playfully.

And then I feel him pressing the two keys in my hand, that he is holding by my wrist.  
I do not fear him, my body does not react to him, only to my own memories.  
I open my eyes and turn my head to look at him.

He is so close our noses almost touch each other.

"Soon, one eyed girl, you shall rule once again."

And with that he turns on his heels and leaves my room, closing the door behind him.  
I hear him pace the halls again, and I stare at my ceiling still lying on the wet bed.  
And I would wonder if it was real, I would wonder if I had gone mad, I would wonder if I was dreaming.  
But I don't, because the cold metal keys in my hand answer all those questions.

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**  
**This was supposed to be a oneshot but as you can read it has gotten a bit out of hand, so I will probably write one or two more chapters for this story.**  
**I know Therese is a bit off character but I simply could not write her to be strong, alone in the asylum without her sister.**

**Stravvberry**


	2. Into the Dark World

**Into the dark world**

I find myself outside, no not really outside, we never really get to go outside.  
Just the yard, the big lush green yard guarded by a big black metal fence, though I'm not sure which side they are trying to guard.  
To keep us from getting out, or getting in, or for the people on the other side.  
I shake my head to clear away those confusing thoughts.

Those thoughts are not for today, today I should think about the plan.  
About how I want to escape.  
But my mind is messy and as I try, all I can think about are the keys.

The keys I hid under the mattress.  
I think about how easily they can be found, but mostly I think about how they might not be there when I get back to my room.  
Think about how they might not ever have been real and about how by the time I get back they are not there because they never were.

The sky is grey, and wind rustles angrily through leaves and bushes.

_Like an omen._

It's cold I think, my hands tremble and goosebumps crawl on the skin of my arms under my thin white robe.  
But I don't feel it, its only physical responses, hinting to me that I am cold.  
All my emotions are physical now and I wonder whether it is because of my sisters absence or the medication that makes me this numb.

Useless thoughts they are, completely and utterly useless, after all there is no cure in knowing the answer.  
If there is a cure it lies outside these gates.

And oh the irony of being imprisoned in this place, because I killed the man who kept me imprisoned before.  
I never had the guts to escape, to sneak out of my bedroom window, climb down the tree and run to the gates.  
Climb over them and head into the wide and open world.

My sister did, she'd go into town and do bad things with young men she'd meet.  
Only to come back again and be beaten by our father.  
I never meddled with that, the beating I mean, those things were her own fault, she shouldn't have done those things, she knew the risk in them.  
It was only when he had touched her that I had lost my temper.

I had awoken in her head, able to think but not to feel, hear or see.  
I pushed against the wall in our mind trying to be able to see, to feel, to know what was going on.

But it was strong, it gave me enough room to think, to be awake, but only inside her, in the furthest corners of her mind.

_Jeanette, let me out, I know your doing something bad again._ I thought as I pushed against the darkness.

No answer.

_Jeanette let me out now, I won't let you hurt father again.  
How can you keep doing these things, he does so much for us, you should be thankful he takes care of you the way he does your an awful child._ I thought at her again.

I heard her chuckle darkly in our minds.

_He is not angry with me Therese! Just shut up Therese, leave it!_ She thought at me angrily, her thoughts spilled over with emotions off all sorts.

_You think I'll believe your lies even one more time, I have had enough of your awful behavior Jeanette. Have had enough of carrying the bruises he gives you._ My thoughts spat back at her.

_Deserve? Deserve? Oh you think so highly of father, how can you? he's a monster!_ She thought as she made the wall stronger, making sure I wouldn't be able to break through, wouldn't see what she was up to.

_Don't think of him like that! How dare you, he works so hard, he gave us everything!_

_You want to know what he gives us Therese? I'll show you what he gives us!_

The wall gave in, moved away giving me more space, but not everything.  
Leaving trapped in her body like a doll.

The first thing I noticed was a scent, his smell, his stank.  
I could feel Jeanette's wet cheeks, her eyes burning as more tears spilled from them, slowly making their way over her temples into her hair.  
Sheets were underneath her back but she kept her eyes closed tightly.  
Her breaths were short and shaky as emotion shot cold and hot over her skin.

Her heart throbbed in her chest and if I had one at that moment I am certain mine would have broken.  
Even with everything she did she truly, honestly did not deserve this.  
Not my sweet sister even if she was bad, she did not deserve this, did not deserve to hurt like this.

Her eyes opened and through her teary eyes I could see his face hovering above us, above her.  
His lips parted as he breathed heavy, his dirty, warm, sticky, breath hitting her face.  
It made her naussiaus, turned her stomach, and I could feel her trying to push down the puke that tried to make its way up her throat.

His sweaty hand slid up her belly, and she whimpered at his touch.  
Her stomach trembled, shook at all the emotion she was trying to push down in her body.  
His hand found her breast and he pressed his lips against hers, as he touched her.

And anger filled my mind, hatred towards this disgusting man that I called father.  
To this man to whom I gave myself so she would be safe, would not ever have to go through this.  
And still he had to take her had to violate her body, her being.

He moaned and it made my anger so great I felt as if I exploded.  
The wall inside our minds broke, shattered and I could feel my soul shoot into our body, feel our body become mine again.

I gasped at the suddenness of it all.  
Father mistook the reason for my gasp and it pulled him over the edge as he came in me.  
My fingers grabbed the sheets beneath my body tightly as I tried to fight the anger the blind rage in my body.

He rolled off me and onto his back, I could feel the matres arching underneath his weight.  
He chuckled.

"Now now, Jeanette that was not half bad, maybe next time your bad again I should simply..."

He said as he ran his index finger from my chest down my belly.  
His word his insinuation was to much for me.  
To much for me to handle, to cope, it filled me with too much anger to cope with.

I flew up from the bed and ran out of my room, and down the stairs.  
But I wasn't running away, I was going some where.  
I wasn't sure where I was going, but when I reached the living room I started to get a bad feeling about where I was heading.  
I walked over to the big brown closet and threw the doors open.  
I found it there, his hunting rifle.

"Miss Voerman?"

I blink.

_Where am I?_

I find my reflection in a window, its dark outside.  
I know this I know this place.  
My usual seat by the window in the main room.

I try to remember how I got here but all I can remember is the cold yard.  
It makes me feel vulnerable, because I know I wasn't sleeping inside Jeanettes body, because she is gone now.  
My mind had been away, and no one was there to take care of my body, to bring my body to this chair.

"Miss Voerman, its time for bed now."

I find a familiar face in the window.  
It takes me a second to find her name.

_Nurse Grace. Lovely nurse Grace._

I simply nod at her, don't bother trying to thank her for her kindness.  
Because tonight I have other things on my mind, tonight I have to succeed.  
Pull myself together and try to stay focused.

So I get up and follow her as she makes small talk about the awfull weather.  
But I don't hear her words, my mind can only think of one thing right now.

_Jeanette, Jeanette, Jeanette, I'll find you, Jeanette, Jeanette, Jeanette..._I don't even hear her say goodbye, but the sound of my door locking snaps me out of my mantra and pulls me back to reality.

_Well reality..._

I walk over to my bed and shove my hand under the matrass trying to find the keys.  
I find them and I sigh in relief.  
It was real the man came to my room and gave me these keys.  
And even if it wasn't real I was still able to chase this dream, this insanity of mine.  
And perhaps, even if it was not real I would be able to make myself believe that she would come back and then maybe she would simply because I believed it would be so.

I grab the keys tightly in my hand and sit down on my bed trying to focus.  
One key for my door , the other for the door in the barred wall in the hallway.  
Up the stairs and jump out the window.  
Head for the fence, over it and into the forest across the road.

How was I supposed to do this.  
I had no guts, I wasn't strong, this was a job for Jeanette, not for me.  
I'm not as strong as her, she was always the strong one.  
How was I supposed to be able to escape this place if I wasn't even strong enough to stand up to my father.

I burry my face in hands, trying to clear my mind.

_Jeanette, you can be strong for Jeanette.  
You have to be strong for her, she came to you because you weren't.  
She was always there to take you away from all the bad things.  
You ruled together, find her Therese restore your lost kingdoms._

I know this, I have to there is no choice no escaping in my hollow fate here.  
But this knowledge does not change the fact that my feet feel like lead on the cold ground.  
That I feel as if all danger lies outside.  
That My body does not want to go, to be bad.  
It wants to stay here, even if it means I will evaporate into nothing without my sister.

But I have to be strong, I owe her.  
So I take a deep breath and sit up straight with my eyes closed trying to concentrate on the footsteps in the hallway.

I hear him pass my door and get up slowly walking to my door holding the key tightly inside my trembling hand.  
I wait for it, for him to be so far to the left side of the hallway that I can't hear his footsteps.  
It seems to take and eternity as I stand there ready to shove the key into the lock.  
My heart beating so loud, its difficult to hear his footsteps as they become less loud with each step he takes away from me.

It seems like an eternity until his footsteps are too distant for me to hear.  
But I know that it won't be an eternity until he turns and starts making his way back towards my side of the hallway.

My stomach clenches at my nervousness but I just take a deep breath and shove the key in the lock and unlock my door.  
I slam the door open and run into the dimly lit hallway.  
My bare feet hit the ground.

"What the?" The man's voice says behind me.

In reaction my feet start moving faster.  
Pushing my body quicker though the hallway

"Damn it!" He yells.

And I can hear his shoes hit the ground behind me.  
I reach the barred wall and shove the key into the lock.  
But the lock won't budge and I can hear the nightshift worker comming closer.  
I try to turn the key again.  
Nothing.

_Wrong key! Wrong key!_ My mind yells at me.

I pull out the key dropping it as soon as it's out of the lock and force in the other one.  
I turn it and the door obeys me this time.  
It opens easily and I pull out the key and close the door behind me.

The man reaches the barred wall, and wants to head for the door in it.  
Quickly I shove the key in the lock again and turn it to close.  
He pushes against the door which even I with my broken mind is senseless.

His hands reach through the metal bars trying to grab me but I stumble back just in time leaving the key in the lock.  
The man's face is red with anger as he pulls out his key and shoves it in the lock.  
But it won't budge.

For a moment I don't get it, but then I realise I left the key in the lock on the other side of the door.

The man puts his hand through the bars trying to reach the key I left on the other side of the door.

_Run Jeanette! Run!_

My body obeys those thoughts and before I know it I am turned and heading for the stairs.  
I run up the stairs, the stairs make a turn by the window and I want to head up further when I see a docter who is just happens to come down the stairs from the second level of the building.

For a moment I stand there not knowing what to do but instinct takes over and I turn to the window.  
I ball my fist and smash the window.  
I want to go through it but my arm pulls backwards.

I am confused untill I look back and find that it is the doctor holding my arm and pulling me backwards.  
My free arm reaches forward, and grabs something from the broken window.  
Then my free arm flies back and pushes something into the doctors eye.

He screams and lets me go his hand reaching up to, apparently the piece of glass, that I had just shoved in his eye.  
His hands reach up to his face but stop in there movement.  
The hang there mid air as if uncertain whether to leave the glass alone or to pull it out.  
Am alarm starts screeching and this forces another force of adreneline through my body.  
So I turn and I jump head first out of the window.

Wind and rain hits my skin violently, but only for a second because my flight is stopped.  
I crash into something with plastic and soft things.  
It confuses me for a moment but my body is in flight mode and pushes it self up confused and disorientated.  
I find myself surounded by bags of garbage and an awfull smell.  
Apperently I had fallen into one of the metal trash containers.

Rain is pouring down heavily and the bags squish under my weight as I force myself up.  
I put my hands on the edge of the container and push myself out of it.

I fall on the grass, scrambl up and run toward the gate leaving the Asylum behind me.  
I can hear the doors open and voices calll behind me, but I don't pay them any attention.  
My attention lies on the fence before me.

I reach it, grab the black metal bars and start trying to pull myself up.  
But my hands slip, the rain has made the bars wet and slippery.  
But I don't give up.  
I try again stenghtening my grip on the bars, and press my bare feet around one of the iron bars and push my self upwards.  
I reach out for the ledge with one hand and grasp it.

I am amazed by my own strenght as I manage to pull body up higher with my arm and quickly grab the ledge with the other.  
I pull myself over the fence my leg scratches against one of the arrow points on it.  
But I don't feel it.

I balance my weight forward and fall onto the small patch of muddy sand.  
I once again push my body off the ground.

Once I glance back at the white, roman like building, and the doctors running towards the gate.  
But then I turn around and run over the road and in the the woods.  
Shadows swallow me as I run through the trees, twigs crunching underneath my barfeet.  
Straight forward into the world, into the dark, cold, muddy world.


	3. Reaching for the Hellish Black Sky

**Reaching for the Hellish Black Sky**

Twigs, cold puddles, earth, mud, dead wet leaves and tree roots.  
My feet got awfully familiar with these things.

Bushes and low hanging branches.  
My legs got awfully familiar with these things.

Rain, cold sea wind and slightly higher branches.  
The skin on my arms and face got awfully familiar with these things.

Surely if there was more light my white 'asylum' gown would look bloody.  
But right now, the blood seeping through the torn fabric looked black.

_Black, black, black, black, black..._

My mind like my gown; black and torn.

_Jeanette, Jeanette, Jeanette, Jeanette, Jeanette..._

For ever these feet could run for her.  
For ever these feet would run for her.  
Sweet, rough, fire Jeanette.

As I ran through the shadows of the forest, the doctors still chasing me in my mind, I thought nothing.  
Was nothing but moving feet and gasping lungs.  
I think it was the medication, or perhaps the crazy part of me, giving me this strength and stamina.

The highest branches reached towards the hellish black raging sky.

_Like a omen, an omen__._I tripped over a fallen -and most likely rotten- tree.  
I did not however wince or cry in pain and fatigue, as I fell head fist into the dirt.  
I did however push my upper body up with my elbows and let my head hand between my arms, as my hands rested on the muddy earth.

My breathing was fast and uncontrolled.  
My muscles suddenly burned from the intense energy release they had given me.  
I imagened her here with my as I lay there catching my breath.  
Jeanette, sweet, strong Jeanette.

I imagined her standing behind me.  
A look that one would almost described as hurt written on her face.

"Therese..."

She would have said, in a gentle voice.

I grunted in response.

She would have frowned for a second.  
But then certainly she would smile.

"Never thought you'd have it in you." She would've said.

I chuckled darkly.

She'd shaken her head, slowly walking over to me kneeling next to my body.  
Carefully eyeing my body to see if I wasn't seriously injured.

"After all those years of you being to scared to go out of your room and have some fun and you escape the 'Asylum' like its nothing." She'd say shaking her head, glad to know that these injury's would heal, though she'd never admit it.

"Anything-" I stop, surprised at how out of breath I am.

"You'd do the same." I say looking up at her next to me.

But I don't find her.  
It takes me a second to realize she's not here.  
But when I do it falls on me heavily, as well as the exhaustion, that she is dead; ripped out of my brain with shocks and 'medicine'.

My eyes start to burn and my head is suddenly so heavy that it falls down into the muddy dirt.  
The dirt cools my warm forehead, probably cools it below healthy temperatures.  
But my whole body is suddenly hot with emotion and the after burn of using too much energy.

I whimper as a cold, or better said even colder wind sets in.  
I pull my knees up to my chest and hold them between my arms as I roll to my left side.  
Mud creeps into my ear but I don't care.

Hot tears burn my skin as they slip out of my eyes and over my skin and into the cold dirt.  
I cry then, emotion after all this numbness suddenly hitting me heavily.

_Why me, why all of this._  
_It used to be okay, it used to be bearable._  
_But then you were there with me._  
_Not alone, not alone, I cannot bear this weight by myself._

I feel as if even my skin, numb for the cold, is to heavy for me to bear.  
As if it is too heavy, and will bruise my muscles and break my bones as it leans on me in this weak moment.  
This painful, tearing, lonely moment.

Deep ripped sounds, screech from my painful throat.  
The pain makes me more aware of my body.  
Of other pains that stab and burn on it.

My left hand, my feet, the skin on my arms, legs and face.  
Every joint in my body burning from the cold.  
My lungs burning from exhaustion with every breath.

I cry.  
Oh how I cry.  
Like a child left at the fair by her mother, as it watches the horses lit by the orange glow of the light bulbs on the merry go around.

She is not here and what am I doing.

Trying to reach my old house by the salt scent of the sea carried by the wind.  
To find the Ocean House, and then what.  
Mister Freeman wouldn't know where to find me.

Mister Freeman was crazy.  
How would he know how to save my sister.  
Why, for god sakes why had I this unbelievable faith in his words.

Why even now did I believe he had spoken the truth.  
When even, with my disturbed mind, I was at least able to figure out he would never find me.  
That he didn't even told me where to meet him in order for him to give my sister life again.

_It isn't right._  
_It doesn't fit._  
_And yet I believe._  
_For this stupid reason that I can't understand._  
_Can't reach._

It does not make sense.  
I know, or at least I know that I am supposed to know, that I will never save my sister.

This sends another pain through my body.  
One more heavy, more burning then any of the other pains on my weak body.  
It cuts sharply into my chest and I cry out in pain my muscles tightening, and protesting in the process.

Pain swallows me, as do the shadows the forrest cast on me.  
My sanity, my mind, my body, my soul buckle under the weigth of this pain.  
And it swallows me, takes me deep into the devils belly as my being burns in the acid of his stomach.

* * *

**Okay so thats what you come up with at 2:48 in the morning after drinking wehehay too much and getting a good review (OMG why did I even check to see if I got any, I do actually have work in the morning).  
Don't know if it is any good, I think it is, but then again I just came back from a party and might be bit too confident about most things right now.  
However I hoped you enjoyed.  
Pretty please review it really keeps me going, and I could use the boost right now.**


	4. My Dark Father

**My Dark Father**

I open my eyes, to meet the grey forest.  
They hurt, but I don't really notice because everything hurts.

_Not the Asylum, it can't be._  
_Maybe the Asylum's garden?_

But then memories random images of yesterday come back to me.  
I ran away.  
Yes I remember now that I ran.  
I ran, a lot.

I cough, my lungs are painful, sick and sore from cold and exhaustion.  
I push myself up from the cold ground and look down examining my body.  
Useless.  
Mud and blood seem like similar darker tints of grey on my light grey skin and gown.  
I can't tell the two apart in the dimming, retreating grey daylight.

For a moment I sit there staring down at my body.  
But a sound pulls me out of my stare.  
A well known 'always there' sound.  
Like the sound of my breath, almost, just almost, one with my existence.

Water, rushing in and retreating.  
The sound eases and disturbs me at the same time.  
Pulls me back to my childhood and pushes me away from nightmares, as I hear the sound of the ocean rolling in and retreating.

_Ironic._

My body is exhausted, but the sound of the ocean.  
Not even the memory of my sister.  
Simply the constant pushing and pulling of the waves forces my body to continue.

I push myself up and stumble towards the sound.

It didn't take me long to find the end of the woods.  
It did, however, take me long to find the Ocean House, which now lay stretched out before me in the dark.

The lights next to the road shed little light on the massive, daunting building.  
The road reaches towards the building and circles around the fountain in front of the door.  
The garden is overgrown, and I wonder how long it's been since I was here.

_Useless, useless.  
Don't waste energy on thoughts Therese, waste it on getting your freezing body inside._

I stumble forward, dragging my bare, and most likely bloody, feet over the road.

It hurts.  
It hurts more than waking up after Jeanette had a beating from father.  
It hurts more than when he touched me.  
Even more then when he touched her.  
No.  
Not that, not when he had hurt her.

But, still, it hurts a lot.  
I reach the building and walk up the steps towards the double doors.  
A weight lifts off me, because of the knowledge that I made it.  
That even if I die from blood loss, infection, cold or dehydration, at least I can rest.

At least I had tried.  
Tried to find her, tried to bring her back.  
And I've done more then I could have ever imagined doing.  
Pushed further than my limits reach.  
Pushed further than my body should be able to push.

So if she still cannot be saved.  
If she will never return.  
I at least have the knowledge that there was no other way.  
That she is completely and utterly unsaveable.  
Completely and utterly gone.

And with that thought, with that knowledge it would be okay.  
Not good, but okay.  
Okay to let go, to stop fighting.  
To stop fighting this beaten, empty body.

Push the door open.  
Musky dead air flies into my nostrils.  
I step over the threshold and close the door behind with care.  
Old habits die hard.

The entrance hall is big. massive, even.  
I look at the two stairs that curl up before me, almost creating a circle.  
I fight the urge two walk up those stairs.  
To climb them and drag myself to my room.  
Old habits die hard.

There is nothing for me left in my room.  
And I vaguely wonder if someone scraped the pieces of brain off the wallpaper.  
But before I get a chance to question it some more the world around me starts spinning.

My knees buckle against the suddenly massive weight of my broken body.  
But I don't cry.  
I don't fight the dimming light in my eyes.

No I welcome it.  
Embrace the darkness, the cold.  
Embrace the knowledge that this is it.  
That after all my fighting this is the end.

The doctors have won.  
We are separated.  
Forever , even in my final moments.

I fall over, my cheek hitting the cold, hard floor, where it seems that dust has been accumulating for centuries.  
The dust flies up at my breath, dancing before my blurry eyes.  
I wonder briefly how much dust would drift down on my body before someone finds me here.  
The thought doesn't bother me though.  
The thought of my dead body lying here unattended uncared for in my father's house.

It should bother me.  
I know that.  
But no one cares for my sister's death, no one but me cares for her absence.  
So if no one would care for my death, so be it.  
At least in a disturbing way it would connect us.  
Both of us unloved and forgotten.

I lie there, the emotion from last night gone from my body.

_Was it last night?_

I feel like a porcelain doll.  
Not breakable.  
No I broke in the Asylum, or maybe even in a time long before the Asylum.  
I feel hard, cold, and ever so empty inside.

So I imagine her with me again.  
Little comfort but here in my last moments it doesn't really matter.

She stands there over me, frowning to hide the dissappointmen in her eyes.

"Therese..."

She almost moans in pain.  
Ever so emotional.  
She curls her arms around herself trying to hold herself together.

The pain of loss, the loss we both have to carry making her feel as if she might explode.  
She's waiting, wanting, hoping for me to get up.  
To be the strong one.  
For me to get up and hold her, to stop her from exploding.  
But she won't explode, not her, my strong fire girl.

Slowly an orange glow lights the room ever so slightly.  
I look up at her.  
The warm light shimmering on her tear stained cheeks.  
It suits her that fire light.

"Don't cry." I mumble through my broken lips.

Hurt crosses over her face and she shakes her head at my words.

"You're always like that aren't you? Thinking we don't have enough to cry for."

She kneels down by my side.  
Her fingers reach towards my face, and she gently brushes my hair out

I flinch at her touch.  
Her fingers feel wrong against my bruised skin.  
_  
Too rough, too hard._

_All this time, he was here!_  
_Father wasn't dead!  
He tricked you, took you sister away too punish you._

"No, no, no, no..." I whimper at his touch.

His hand reaches up under my neck.  
His other hand reaches to my hip and he rolls me to my back.

_The light its comming from the fireplace.  
He was here, all this time, waiting, wanting..._

"Please, please father. I'm sorry. Please don't. Please don't." I say coughing against my tears, as emotion suddenly shoots back into my body.

He slips a hand under the back of my knees and lifts me up.

Fear makes my body tremble.  
But memories make my body shake.

I gasp and want to fight him, to push away from his body and run away.  
But I don't.  
I just lie there like a doll, trembling uselessly in his arms.

"Shhhhh..." His cold breath hushing my ear.

I bite my lip, trying to stop the whimpers coming from my mouth.  
I ball my fists trying to stop my body from trembling.

He lets go of my legs and swiftly grabs me by my arms to stop me from tumbling over.  
I look up at his pale face lit in an orange glow from the fireplace.  
He has blond hair which is neatly pulled back into a ponytail.  
He is tall and slender.  
Not like father at all.

"You're not my father are you?"

He shakes his head and then looks deep into my eyes, with a wide, dark, wolf like grin that makes my heart beat faster.  
Though I'm not quite sure whether my heart beats faster in fear or the disturbing sence of excitement.

I recognize him then.

_Mister Freeman._

"No my childe."

He chuckles.  
I don't get what's so funny.  
Perhaps I'm too mad to get the joke.  
Perhaps he's so mad he finds my half dead body funny.

"But I will be."

His eyes grow wide, glittering in the orange glow of the fire.  
And maybe I am mad, but if not, if it is actually possible his grin grows even wider.

My heart speeds out of control.

_Deffinatly fear._

I want to pull out of his arms, but just as my body decides flight is the best option, his grip on my upper arms grows even tighter.

He leans his face into mine until my nose touches his.  
The touch of his skin against mine turns my stomach, makes me feel dirty.  
His breath mixes with mine in the small space between our lips and I inhale his cold breath.  
His breath in my lungs turns my stomach, makes me feel dirty.

"You smell so good, so sweet and tainted." He says in a low voice.

I whimper at the feel of him growing behind the fabric of his pants.  
My eyes burn and hot tears trickle down my cheeks.

"P-please father... P-please don't..." My plea, a whisper, against his lips.

He places a gentle, filthy kiss on my lips and moves his lips to my ear, so close that when he speaks again his lips brush it.

"Hush, my childe, be a good girl. It'll only hurt for a little bit."

I whimper again at his words.

His cold hands travel down my arms one finds the crook of my back the other decides to cup my butt cheek.  
Tears and snot drip over my trembling lips.

His lips brush gentle kisses on my ear, my cheek, my jaw, my neck.  
And then, suddenly he enters me.

Not like father.  
His teeth push through the skin of my neck.  
I gasp in shock.  
My eyes rolling back in my head at the familiar and disturbing feel of pain, disgust and pleasure.

I see something move behind his shoulder.  
I squint my eyes trying to focus, trying to fight the fuzziness of my mind.

My eyes grow wide as I see her.  
So not my reflection.  
So different.

The world spins around me.

Her eyes are big in fear.  
So frightened.  
So scared.  
Her left hand reaching up to me.

She is on fire.  
Flames licking her skin.  
Her skin, which cracks and turns black under the heat.  
But her eyes.  
Her big, frightened, eyes never leave mine.  
Keep staring, even as they burn.

_Jeanette..._

My blood screaming in my veins  
My blood screaming for your soul

My heartbeat pumping filth and pain  
Filling veins but not your absence

My heartbeat stops but I don't fade  
Between life and death I balance

There you burn into my veins  
There you burn into my soul

**Okay so thats it my dear reader.  
Since I got some comments on how it looked like a poem I decided to end it with one.  
Unfortunatly I am not a poet and my rhyme is kind off a ten year old's style  
But I just thought it was the proper way to end this story.  
I'd like to thank all of my reviewers with out you this story never would have been finished.  
Also thanks to all my silent readers.  
And special thanks to NoFacesOnlyMasks for betaing my last chapter.  
Now go on and click the review button (and search up my beta's profile he has an awesome bloodlines ff)**


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